"Encircled in the Arms of his LOVE"

So last weekend 9/25 & 9/26 (Fri-Sat) was pretty busy with wedding's and a whole lot of running around. But on Saturday about 5p.m. it was a nice calm, peaceful next 3hrs. Time to get ready for the General Relief Society Women Conference that started at 6p.m. @ the Stk. Center. Nothing beats hearing words of the leaders to help us as women, mothers, daughters, and as sisters all in the gospel. It was great to be in attendance with my sister & the two oldest nieces, along with my Aunt & sister Morena.

All the talks hit home for me, but something I feel that really changed me was a thought that crossed my mind...."the type of women I want to be" I have made it my personal goal to "find GOOD in EVERYTHING"!! So far I have to say I've done pretty good, and the best part is....I FEEL GOOD!! I hope to be able to apply all that was said by the General Relief Society Leaders this past Women's Conference, along with Pres. Eyring.

"I saw Uncle Jayy walking....."

So yesterday was not such a good day for me....(what an excuse huh) But really it wasn't...why? Because I let Satan get the best of me that's why. I'm a Laurel teacher in my ward and I LOVE it!! I was so ready with my lesson, my handouts, my props for the lesson just about EVERYTHING except.....slowing down my mouth!!

So it's about 7:45am Jayy's up chit chatting with one of his random brother's when he tells him he has to go get ready for church. (Good job...he's learning) we'll I get ready and pack all my things, make my way upstairs and my parents (who love to be ready about 40-30 minutes before ANYTHING is sitting there giving me the eye like..."is someone going to take us" so I just keep going about my way, only to hear "mother dear" call me to take a look at what I'm wearing....YES I'm 30 a grown a&* women BUT if you know the FILIMOEATU sister's they don't care...your NEVER to old for a MOM to remind you. Right then i was offended so i figured what the heck let me take the old people now (I know how rude I am, but let me remind you Satan is very tricky!! lol) So i get back from taking them down the street only to walk downstairs to find Jayy posted up in his church clothes, hair done, socks on, shoes ready to be put on BUT what is he doing......freekin XBOX 360 (is that what its called?) so you know I have to be a "kafi" and just sit quietly, gather my things....THINKING he's going to THINK & use his lil HEAD & look at the clock that now reads 8:55a.m. .....WE NEED TO GO....but does he use his lil head?....NEGATIVE so now i'm grabbing my things and boy...if "fumes" could come out of me...my ears, nose, mouth EVERYTIHING would be smoking MAD. I made it to the truck to only HOOOOOOONNNKKK and he comes running out & guess what he has the nerve to say to me......SORRY LOVE. What the...SORRY LOVE is NOT going to cut it buddy...all of a sudden I was "fuming" EVERYWHERE....of course because my husband is soooooo freekin HUMBLE goes into church like NOTHING, and what do i do....I'm sitting in the TRUCK all with the wrong SPIRIT so do I stay at church? Uh..nope I make my way home, dial my husbands cell & all of a sudden I acted like it wasn't Sunday & everything "beep...beep...beep" word came out of me...and the whole time Jayy saying "Love, don't make it bigger than it is, its going to be okay" osi hu mai ai tevolo (I swear...) We'll lets just say I thought I owned the chapel & let Jayy know I didn't want him there....so when I FINALLY cool down, and realize i need some "spirit" in me, I made my way to church...with my nephews (Vita & Leva Bloomfield) and there mother telling me "I seen Jayy walking" yea...lesson ed LEARNED for me to NOT make something small so BIG, especially to the point where we BOTH needed to be in the CHAPEL together, and that is when I NEED to apply what i teach to myself!! I swear....I need a chill pill!! My poor husband!!

We MISS you Dad....

So we stayed at the hospital till about 2a.m. by this time everyone had slowly left & just Mom, her sister Ma'ata & Moala Si'i were left. We said our goodbye's and kissed Dad & made our way home. The ride home was quiet...we were tired, but at the same time still in shock..not really grasping what was in store for us.

The morning of the 7th (Labor Day) we got up got ready & made our way back to Dad, and again the Care Center was filled with his brother's, nephews, nieces, grand-kids, kids we were every where. Getting there I was confronted with the head nurse & the status of Dad, and the schedule we were on. The time to remove the ventilator was now moved to 12pm due to the morfin, and other medication not yet putting him in a comfortable state. Boy...was that the quickest 2-3hours before we knew it..it was now 15mins to 12pm. Again the nurses checked Dad to see how he was taking the medication....then it was time to see if Mom was ready to take off the machine, and who she'd like to be in the room when this was done...now really how were we going to "pick" who was going to be in the room....sorry EVERYBODY will be there. At this point the nurses had advised us once the machine was off it could be 5-15minutes, a few hours, days of how long Dad could last, we really didn't know. We all understood but boy Dad was a "warrior" once that machine was off he stayed with us for about 5hrs. at about 5:20pm was when he took his last breath & that was it....it's hard to comprehend that Dad's gone, that I no longer have a living "father in law" that my kids will not be able to meet him here in this life, at our little family gatherings he won't be there, at the Holidays there's going to be an empty spot, that NOW Jayy has to take charge of our little immediate family. Dad was a GREAT man, I couldn't have asked for a better father in law then him. He sure did make sure I knew how much he LOVED me, he made me feel like a PRINCESS and now...his mission has ended here. I'm so grateful that I had the time to spend with him, to hear his counsels, to be a part of his life. Dad we will always carry you in our hearts & with no DOUBT we know your watching over us...grateful to a LOVING Father in Heaven who's made the PERFECT PLAN for us to be sealed for all time & eternity. No DOUBT Paseni Lahi was a "crip" and his legacy will live on with all of us that were touched by him!! Love you Dad!!

Sunday September 6th, 2009 Everything changed...

At about 11:15a.m. or so we were sitting in sacrament when Jayy showed me his phone & it was Mom (his Mom). Being that Mom doesn't just call us out of no where especially during church I told Jayy to step out and answer it. In about 3minutes later he was back in whispering we needed to leave.

We made our way to the care center where she was with Dad to find her a bit confused. Come to find out Dad was not doing so well, since his surgery back in Nov. '08 when he suffered the stroke his body was slowly not being able to keep up with everything. We found out that his kidneys (both) were done with, our options were 1. Admit to the hospital, but that would mean "aggressive"treatment with no guarantee of anything or 2. keep him comfortable at the center and from there his vitals and so on will shut down. We talked with Mom and made sure she knew what the options were, and she decided to leave him at the center, she was NOT wanting anything else down to him, knowing he's suffered so much already. So we hung out with Mom & Dad for a few hours, talking about what may come and all the details and what not. But I don't think we realized "our time" is NOT the same "timing" as our Father in Heaven.

Returning home after visiting with Dad & Mom it was about 4:30p.m. or so we rested and started to plan our trip for that night to head out to NYC. About 8p.m. another phone call....only this time it was nothing but crying on the other end. Mom had made her decision to take Dad off his ventilator the next day (Monday Sept 7th Labor Day) @ 10a.m. the liquid was already built up in him, to the point it was causing pressure to his lungs, and with his heart in the condition that it was....it was NOT going to make it. Family came from every where, phone calls, questions, thoughts racing is this really happening....

Forever in our HEARTS Dad...Tevita Paseni Makoni

Jayy hold Dads hands.

Dad & Mom 9/6/2009 Sunday This was taken when we had just gotten the phone call from Mom about Dad's kidney's giving in. At this time we didn't think it would be so soon that he would leave.

Utes TODAY but BYU FOREVER!!

So Jayy will be highly upset if he knows I posted anything to do with the "U" on my blog, BUT it's ok he'll get over it!! My sister in law Kelly got us tickets to the game tonight...that's my gift from her & my "skinny brother" and get this...we are all BYU fans...hmm...oh well it's FREE!! Ha...ha...I LOVE football, and heck I have a cousin Isi and my nephew "Smockee" that play at the U. Can't pass up some college ball, some good company (my sisters, nieces & sis in law), and some grub of course!! So JUST for TODAY GGGOOOOO UTES!!<---Dang hope Jayy doesn't read this..ha..ha...ha....

The BIG.................** WOW!!

Let me just say "it is what it is"...it's my BIRTHDAY <----who does that..talk about there own birthday..of course someone like ME!! It's not just another year...its my BIG 3 0 WOW I can't believe I just shared that...but what the hell your all family & friends & we'll who cares life goes on...right!!

I do want to share though my feelings & thoughts about turning 30. It didn't quiet come into play till about 2 days ago...all i kept thinking was "where the hell did the time go" or "wow I remember when so & so turned 30 & now I'm turning 30" so much was crossing my little brain, even to the point of me almost crying..yea crying..what a BABY huh. Actually let me just justify the reason for the cry...ha...ha..cause it's my BIRTHDAY. No, but most of you know me & Jayy have not yet been blessed with our own kids yet, and that was something I told Jayy that I wanted when I hit 30 was to hopefully get pregnant. My birthday has come and I'm not pregnant, and then just a bunch of random, waste time thoughts came flooding in & I found myself sitting there thinking nothing but NEGATIVE thoughts...and then just like in the movies..lol...j/p Jayy popped in my head & I realized what the heck...there is sooooo much I have right now to look forward to...more memories with my husband, my health so when the Lord does see us fit to care for a little one I'll be healthy to do so, my family who I LOVE LOVE LOVE, and LIFE itself...so I STOPPED being a poopy head, and allowing my self think such dur thoughts & just accepted what was coming (my birthday).

So we went to bed lastnight about 10:30pm and sure enough at 12a.m. I hear this "Love, Love (my famous name Jayy calls me) and he leans over gives me a BIG KISS & wishes me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY" We found ourselves up and chit chatting for a little bit, and then knocked back out. Jayy felt so bad he didn't have his gift ready for me (and if you know him well...he can be so hard on himself about stuff like that it becomes annoying...i know sad that i say that) anyhow the texts, emails, phone calls all came in wishing me a HAPPY BIRTHDAY, and then walked into work and balloons, confetti, signs, and a BIG birthday card, brownies, snacks all prepared courtesy of my colleagues. THANK YOU!! As for being 30 and having so much still to accomplish, and putting more TRUST in the Lord that he will when he sees fit blesses me & Jayy with some lil ones...for now hell with the age because I can still ROCK it like I did when I was 18yrs old baby!! More years to come to live, learn, love and ENJOY with those you care for the most!!